Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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