it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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