This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
