You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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