So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I party with great urgency now.
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