no, he came in my armpit
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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