And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
