He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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