DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
