What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
