I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
