just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Less talking, more tequila
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize