Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
