I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
