Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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