Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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