I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
