Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
