I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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