Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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