i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize