ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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