Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
