Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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