im so drunk with asians
where?
always
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
