I want to stick my p in your. b.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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