do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
