Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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