trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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