He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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