She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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