I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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