Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
