why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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