im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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