yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
