Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i would punch a child for taco bell
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize