there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
