just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
