HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
