And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
