I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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