True but thats because hes a fetus.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
