It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
where am i from again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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