i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize