I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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