She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
