Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
