i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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