I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
