Barsexuality is the new black.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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