Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize