The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
