Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
