So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
