we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We got so high we made milksteak
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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