Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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