Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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