We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
