the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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