I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
